I’m terrified

I’m pregnant. 9ish weeks. It’s all I think about.

At first, I was excited. Happy.

Then I became numb to the idea. It didn’t seem real.

Today I find myself engulfed in a wave of emotion I can’t seem to shake. I feel like I’ve been gifted a duty that I am not capable of handling. I’m scared. I’m afraid that I won’t be a great mother. I want my child to know that I want to give him/her the world and yet I feel that I never will be able to. I don’t know why I’ve convinced myself today that I won’t measure up. At the ripe age of 32 I feel like I should know so much more about the journey my husband and I are about to embark. I don’t feel like a woman. I feel like I will fail. I’ve never successfully changed a diaper.  I don’t know what time I’m supposed to feed. How often…how should I bathe the kid? I don’t know. Will my husband help me? Will we fight about it?  Will my child favor others over me?

This is huge. This is bigger than school…career…I’m going to be more than a sister, daughter, aunt or wife. It’s a role we speak of all of our lives…and now it’s here.

I’m terrified.

What now?


Post a Day 2011-WordPress Blogging Experiment

I was blog stalking today and found this neat blog created by WordPress called The Daily Post back in December 2010.  It was set up to encourage blog writers to add posts frequently whether it be once a week or daily.

I’ve had plenty of blogs and have written on and off in them for several years.  Consistency has always been an issue.

Love the WordPress folks for doing this. I’ll be slapping this sucker on my sidebar somewhere.

I’m all about a Post A Day 2011 and I’m encouraging you to hold me to it.

Can’t wait for the 2012 badge.